The power of choice in leadership
2026 has gotten off to a fresh start - I’ve been transitioning my business and am focusing more on my coaching practice and my burnout and leadership coaching offerings moving forward. It was a tough decision, and it’s been a gradual process as I gained more and more clarity over the last year. As a result, I’m letting go of some things, keeping others and making considered choices about what I want to stop, start and continue. It’s been a journey and it feels fitting, considering we’re now in 2026 – a new year, a new start, a clarified direction and a new True North.
I can see the vision, I’ve got the plan and wouldn’t it be nice if I could just wave a magic wand and make the transition happen overnight? Because some of the things I’m letting go of haven’t ended just yet, and one of them has been taking up a lot of my mental energy. It served me in the past, but it’s not ultimately aligned with where I’m headed, plus it’s tricky interpersonally and I find myself getting frustrated with certain aspects of the work. But there’s just one problem - I can’t technically move on just right in this moment – I honor my commitments.
There’s nothing worse than the “have to”
There’s nothing worse than something you “have” to do. I found myself looking at my calendar, dreading each interaction, forcing myself to smile, focusing on how many more days were allocated to this project, how many more deliverables that meant, ticking each one off as it was completed with a huge sigh. The results were good, but I was drained at the end of each day – physically, mentally, emotionally. I would lie on the couch in the evening and struggle to move.
It’s not an empowering place to be. I often get frustrated with leaders who get “voluntold” to attend a training course, and as a result, show up in name only. It’s exhausting energy to be around – they’re often checked out, disengaged, and merely dialing it in to tick the box. When they do speak up, they often take the role of the provocateur and spend time complaining about the organization, the changes that are out of their control, their workload, how everything is dumped on them. And while everyone needs an opportunity from time to time to blow off steam, if often occurs to me these leaders are playing the victim, or in other words, they are living at the effect of something. “I have no choice.” “There’s nothing I can do.” It’s hard to not get sucked into the energy drain this type of talk creates. Other participants get sucked in as well. Energy attracts like energy after all.
We are always in choice
I recognize we all do this at points in our lives. There have been times in my career I’ve been in this space. Maybe you have been too. Maybe you are right now. It’s the equivalent of Sisyphus rolling the incredibly heavy rock up the hill, to only do it again the next day. The “have to” and the “must” energy inevitably leads to burnout. How could it not when ultimately every minute of the day, you’re engaged in resisting what is?
I had the realization the other day I had unwittingly put myself in a place of victimhood in relation to this project. And then I started realizing I have a choice. I have a choice to be miserable and solider on, or I could choose differently. Either way I’m still going to do it. I started to get very curious about what would happen if I changed my belief from “I have to do this” to “I want to do this.” What would make me want to do this?
My incredible colleagues and the opportunity to learn as much as I can from them before I head off into the sunset.
The opportunity to try and experiment with new techniques and tools.
The opportunity to lean into some of those tricky interpersonal aspects and frustrations and build new skills and resilience.
And this week was different. It was lighter, it was brighter and I haven’t felt this accomplished in ages. I was firing on all cylinders, found myself in flow multiple times and moved to tears by a leader this week who told me a very powerful story. He had a reputation for being negative and finally had the same epiphany, that his mindset was causing most of the problem and leading to subpar results. He challenged himself to show up differently with his team. To smile rather than frown, to talk about opportunity rather than all the problems and challenges. To praise his team openly. To focus more on what they were already doing well, rather than the developmental edges. At first, they thought he’d gone crazy. But he kept doing it. And then they kept expecting it. And then things started to change in a very profound way. I acknowledged the incredible courage it took to make that change and show up differently. The room got super quiet and he gently said, “That’s why we are leaders.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Coaching questions for thought:
What in your life right now is a “have to,” “must” or a “should?”
What is that costing you energetically?
What is that costing you in the results you’re getting?
What would you need to believe to move to a place of choice?
Shelley Pernot is a life and leadership coach who is passionate about helping her clients heal burnout and lead from a place of purpose. She is particularly adept at working with high performing women perfectionists at risk of burning out. Feeling a little stretched? Take the 3-minute Burnout Risk Survey to see where you stand. Reach out to me here for a free consultation to learn more about the coaching process and how it may benefit you!